Advice from Pepe

There are many idiots in world today. You see them everywhere you go. The wise ones are hard to find, but when you do find them it is totally worth the effort. I have decided to share some advice that I received from a very wise individual, Pepe the king prawn. I received a book stuffed with advice from Pepe for Christmas this last year, and let me tell you, it changed my life. I feel inspired to share with you the some quotes that have influenced me the most. (It's Hard Out Here for a Shrimp, 2008, The Muppet Studios.)

"Life is a party. Don't be the pinata."

"Live each day as if it were your last. Eventually, you'll be right, okay."

"I believe in making a commitment. I just don't believe in keeping it, okay."

"Don't go to a party school. If you don't know how to party by the time you get to college, it's probably too late, okay."

"Getting older is better than getting deader, okay."

"You must find your own style. Be unique. Be yourself. And for the love of prawn, look in the mirror before you go out dressed like that, okay."

"You never need the last rest area until you pass it."

Thank you, Pepe.

Songs for Lord of the Rings

So, my friends and I are fans of The Lord of the Rings. Big fans...maybe not as big as some, but big nonetheless. Years ago, when the movies and PS2 games came out, we came up with songs for many of the characters. I wrote them all down on a piece of paper, but can no longer find it which depresses me greatly. The ones I do remember are as follows (and if I spell things wrong, whatever. i don't have the books with me at the moment):

Sauron: "I'll be watching you" (the Sting stalker song)

Legolas: "Dude looks like a lady" (Aerosmith?)

Gimli and Legolas: "Anything you can do I can do better" (no clue)

Gimli: "I am a rock, I am an island" (no clue who sings it, but play the video game and you see what we mean. he doesn't move!)

Ring wraiths: "One way or another, I'm gonna find ya. I'm gonna getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha." (no clue)

Aragorn: "Blow your mind" (Nick Carter. this is based on a dream I had where Aragorn was in a music video and this was the song)

Urukai: "Another [elf] bites the dust" (Queen)

Eowin: "Walk like a man, talk like a man" (no clue)

Sam: "Drowning" (BSB)

As soon as I find the paper I will send an update, but considering the state of my room that may be a while.

When did I get out of the loop?

Honestly, I'm really not that old. I consider myself to be quite young actually, but life is telling me otherwise. I teach ESL and my students are always asking me about these slang phrases that they have heard in songs or from friends. Most of them I have never heard before and are rather weird. The best I can do is look at the rest of the context and guess what it means. But, every time they ask me and I have absolutely no fricken clue what it means I feel that much older and that much farther away from the next generation. Pretty soon I won't be able to understand a single word anyone below the age of 20 is saying. Well, I think teenagers are all idiots anyway, so that's really not that big of a loss.

Testing Disney

This same friend from the previous blog entry and I are planning to test Disney myths. We want to see if all of things things that happen in Disney movies can happen in real life. Here are some of the myths we plan on doing:

Singing in a forest to see if little, precious birdies come sing along with us.

Leaving a shoe on some steps (either a guy from the ward or the big staircase on campus) to see if some guy will search far and wide for the girl belonging to that shoe.

We wanted to test out a wishing well, but we have no idea where to find one.

And our list kind of ended there, but if anyone has any suggestions feel free to make some and we will test them out.

A Butt Massage

Wow. What an experience. I love massages (receiving and giving), but never in my life had I ever had a butt massage, and I had never, ever planned on giving one. However, I have crazy friends, and when you have crazy friends and you, yourself, are crazy, then you do things you never thought you would do. I'm sure this isn't an odd thing for a lot of people, but I personally never really wanted anyone massaging back there. My friend mentioned she could do them and convinced me to let her do it on me. I laid down on the floor on my stomach. She then proceeded to kneel on my butt. And apparently, the more you bend your knees the more painful it is. I had never before experienced such pain on my rear (including the many times I have fallen on my rear). Then, she convinced me to do it to her so I could know how to do it. She laid down on the floor and proceeded to tell me to straddle her, which made me burst out into laughter and almost fall over. I mean, my roommate and I are already pretty darn sure that our neighbors think we're gay, so if they heard that or if they could have seen that, my guess is that they would think it's confirmed. Anyways, so I straddled her and knelt down on her butt. Seriously, I never imagined I'd ever be kneeling on anyone's butt; however, my backside did feel quite relaxed afterward. And if you are now hoping for one since I know how to do it, sorry, it was a one time thing.

The Epitome of Yuckiness

I hate colds. I hate them with a passion. I am presently on my second cold for this winter. You feel so incredibly disgusting when you have one. And really, you are incredibly disgusting. For starters, you have a colored mass of blobs that is dying to explode out of your face but has no idea how to do it so it just sits there. Then, to try and get this colored mass out, you choke down this medicine which tastes like nothing pleasant even though it is supposedly citrus flavored. Next, it naturally follows that the colored mass will begin to flow from your face, which will require the use of much tissue. Said tissue will begin to overflow from your pockets, bags, and purses. It begins to pile and surround you like all of your rolling hills of dirty laundry. Not only is it the cause of a gargantuous mess, but it also tears, dries, and absolutely destroys the skin on your face. You're left with this redness and soreness that doesn't leave until you are long over the cold. No amount of lotion, cream, or goop can make it go away because you just use a tissue again right after you apply one of them. The effort is fruitless. Now, if it's a really bad cold there will also be the hacking up of your lungs and the feel a razor in your throat. When you breathe you feel as though you are breathing out death on all those around you. It would honestly be best if you could avoid all human contact when you contract this horror; however, you cannot because you still have to live your life.

Since it's almost Valentine's Day...

So, since I most likely won't be checking my blog again before Valentine's Day, I feel obligated to share some inspirational quotes with you now.

"Forget love - I want to fall in chocolate." -the bottom of a candy dish

"[Thy] kiss is comfortless as frozen water to a starved snake." -Shakespeare

"When you are in love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams." -Dr. Suess

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." -Germaine Greer

I hope you are inspired.